Sources close to the Coachella organizers have intimated that they'd be thrilled to have Elvis headline the festival but cite numerous logistical obstacles that have so far proved too great to overcome.
Festival organizers are having trouble securing a travel visa for the King. Elvis, who hasn't been a resident of Earth after humans proved unworthy of his sublime talent 33 years ago, reportedly is unable to attain a passport that will be acknowledged by any Earthly government. Todd Epstein, Elvis' self-proclaimed manager and otherwise unemployed comic book enthusiast, fears that the King might be turned back upon entering the stratosphere, or worse, kept by the Government for sinister experiments, “like the ones in a bunch of those 1950's B-movies.”
There have also been rumours that Elvis is wanted for questioning regarding a 1973 assault in Indio, CA. However, when asked via telephone if it could be confirmed that a local assault charge was preventing an alien Elvis Presley returning to Earth to play Coachella, Indio mayor Lupe Ramos Watson replied: "What in holy hell are you talking about? How did you get [her] number?” Since then, serious doubts have been cast on the veracity of the rumour.
Concerns about whether the King, born 75 years ago, would be physically able to perform in the hot desert were laid to rest when Coachella's resident science-fiction physist Andre Tomlinson assured Nochella that atmospheric conditions on Roleii would have probably allowed Elvis to slowly age in reverse and he would now be roughly equivalent 25 years old.
However, Tomlinson did express concern about Elvis' ability to travel at speeds fast enough to make it to the festival on time, but not so fast that he wouldn't accidently travel back in time.
According to Epstein, after being excluded for the tenth straight year, Elvis is “all shook up”.
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